14 July 2013 @ 02:55 am

The actor who played Finn on Glee is dead.

No autopsy yet but still...that's depressing.
23 June 2013 @ 09:45 pm

-My mother is in the ER, the hospital is keeping her overnight. I can't say why exactly, because I don't know. She does need surgery soon but the possible side effects of the surgery are pretty bad.

-June, the wife of my pastor who passed away in Feburary, has breast cancer. Again. This time the other breast. She'll probably have to have another mastectomy. And she needs surgery on her shoulder.

-I think I'm going to volunteer down at my old high school. Their principal is one of the staff members I knew pretty well, and he knew my siblings too. Step One in teaching: get in good with the school that you live a mile from. It might be useful someday. I'll volunteer to tutor of course, and for all I care I can do photocopying/grading for one of the teachers. Just wanna get my foot in the door.

-I might go to the doctor just to shut my mom up about my earaches. I swear if they were infections, I'd have lost all hearing in my left ear by now. They hurt so badly sometimes that it's like someone's sticking a pin inside my ear. But if I go to the doctor I can at least tell my mother it was nothing to be concerned over. She keeps bringing it up. "ARE YOU SURE...?" Yes mother dear, I'm positive. I've had these for over a year I'm pretty sure they'd have ruined my hearing by now if it was an infection. (Ruined it more than it already is ruined, anyway.)

-Topic proposal paper is done. It feels too academic but I don't care. I doubt this professor cares, either.

-I think the real reason I continue to go by "Manna" in real life is because it sets me apart from others. I just realized I filled out my application to the tutoring centre with my birth name and if they call any of my references and address me by my birth name they'll have no idea who the fuck I am. Good times. I might call them and stress my nickname.

-I hope I get to exchange papers with Mr. Blue Pen tomorrow for our peer grading thing. He was the only person who said anything intelligent on my paper last time.

Anyway I'm super bored.

So have this picture of my cats. (Tiny is huge.)
18 April 2013 @ 11:53 pm
Hey, if you haven't seen this cell phone footage of the explosion at the Wacao, TX fertilizer plant, check it out:

It's already burning about at about 0:25 is when it blows.

And seriously, did these people not THINK that maybe they should MOVE AWAY?! FERTILIZER??? EXPLOSIVE??? YEAH COME ON.
26 February 2013 @ 12:27 pm
Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers regarding my pastor. He passed away last night at around 10:30pm. It's hard to believe he's gone. I've known him and his wife longer than I've known anyone except my parents and one of my brothers (Doyle). I'm not really torn up about it, but I know this has been really hard on his wife, June, and I feel bad for her. They can't afford a funeral, just a proper burial; I don't know when it will be.

Religious hooplah. )

I wonder how June is holding up, though. She was married to him longer than she was NOT married to him. And now he's gone. That's gotta be a tough thing to deal with.

But I'm sure he's happy now. :)

Anyway, carry on with your day, folks. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers; I'm glad he didn't suffer long.
20 January 2013 @ 11:32 am
Also Ruthie passed away this morning. She was ill yesterday, so we figured it was coming. She had a good couple of years with us after my mom picked her up on her mail route from a house where she had wandered (an 8-year-old lab w/ health problems); they wouldn't feed or water her hoping she'd go away but a dog in such bad health had nowhere to go so...anyway, she spent her last couple of years here.

She died in bed around 6:30am. Poor old girl. Well, she's in a happier place now, that's for sure.

But Leila is so sad that her buddy is gone. She's the one that woke the family up because she knew something was wrong, and though she usually jumps on people when they sit on the floor...she put a paw on my mom's shoulder and just kind of looked at her. And my mom said, "Sorry, your friend is gone," and Leila's ears drooped and her tail fell and she walked off.

I feel sorry for Leila the most. I mean, Leila helped housetrain Ruthie; you'd think an old outdoor dog like Ruth couldn't learn, but Leila asked us to go out when Ruthie had to go, and would kind of "herd" her toward the door and everything.
09 January 2013 @ 09:31 pm
This annoys me. Greatly. Angers me, even.

obnoxious offensive shit under here. )

I have other things to be angry about but I forget what they are. I think I will take a long hot shower to soothe away my irritation and...I don't know. Write a fanfic maybe.

Ninja!Edit: Pray for my pastor please, if you feel so inclined. He had surgery the other day and his wife is with him 24/7 to try to help but she's so stressed out. An "outpatient" surgery ended up being an overnight visit so they took him off of hospice and now they have to try to get him back on--it's just a mess. He's like mid-80s and just in really poor health. He's already been given X amount of time to live but he's not really...doing well.

Their grandson moved in with them to help but there's only so much anyone can do for him. Bleh.


Also an old high school classmate of mine died this week. The obituary didn't say how she died, but left behind are three kids and a fiancé. Sad times.
27 December 2012 @ 06:28 pm
I've gotta say, I wish I wasn't an introvert. There are lots of really cool introverted characters in games/movies/TV/etc., but nothing takes the pressure off of being an introvert in real life except maybe the knowledge that comes with being one yourself. (It gives you leeway to write about introverts with because you know.)

It's of very little consolation. At the end of the day, you still face the troubles befalling an introvert In Real Life.

This is why, despite the fact that I love being represented by characters in odd ways (blondes! introverts! personality matches! moral values!), at the end of the day, I realize it matters very little beyond a very surface approach.

For example, if someone bothered to write a toothless character into a book/movie/manga/whatever, I doubt it would really boost my self-esteem. I doubt it would make me feel awesome. Why? Because at the end of the day, I'm left feeling one of two things. Either:

A. I wish I was that person, they're so much cooler than me despite having the same [insert problem/issue/etc here]. :(
or B. Well that was cool, but they're not real, and people don't always react that way, so while this is nice and it pleases me to see this used...I can separate this enough in my mind that it doesn't have a profound effect on me.

This isn't always true. For example, I've been delighted beyond belief to find characters that I could relate to a lot. Lyndis, for example. Raine Sage. Jill. Farina. Oscar François. This list goes on, even including some male characters--because personality is personality!

At the end of the day, though, it doesn't matter how much I wish I looked like/acted like/was [insert character here], because it's not going to happen. The best I can ever hope is to cosplay them.

Not that I want to lose my family to a bandit attack (Lyndis), be abandoned by my parents and have to raise a sibling (Raine), have to kill my own father (Jill), be so dependent on money that I can't trust people (Farina), or have an identity crisis (Oscar)...because I don't. But the characters are still relateable and fun and just generally they are something to me that I can never actually be myself.

It's kind of sad, really, how much I wish I could just sort of...take their place. I guess I never really got too much into RP because I know I need to toe the line between reality and fantasy and I can't afford to tip too far into fantasy-land and let myself wish too hard for something to be real that cannot ever be real. It's sad, I know!

But here's the clincher:

Characters are generally very 2D.

Granted, some games (RPGs) give us characters who are better-balanced, but even our likely-to-be-an-introvert (and likely-to-be-an-extrovert) characters...don't really show us anything beyond surface introvert/extrovert tendencies.

Let's look at Raine, because I'm on such a Symphonia kick. She is a teacher, so you'd think, "Oh, she works with other people. She must be an extrovert!" But then you see that she actually keeps most things to herself, only really opens her mouth when she knows she's going to be right--or has a really good guess--and/or nobody else will speak up, so then you think, "Hey, maybe she's actually an introvert."

Keep moving through the story, and you think, "Either way, it doesn't affect the storyline. She's a private person. She keeps to herself. She shares very little and denies a lot of things that might otherwise give the party more information about herself. But this doesn't really scream introvert or extrovert. It's just...her."

I think it's pretty safe to assume that Raine doesn't exactly thrive on the company of other people, so let's say she's an introvert for simplicity's sake. But this isn't brought up in the game and then only makes sense to bring up in fanfiction. But when does this matter? Possibly never. Not many people write stories about Raine and bring up her needing time alone--or wanting it. In fact, most of the time, people assume that, because she spends so much time alone or around her brother, because she doesn't share things with other people, that she's secretly dying inside to share her space and heart and body with someone else. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a shipper. I love writing and reading romance despite being aromantic in real life. But people who are alone sometimes...enjoy...being...alone.

Okay wow. Shock and gasp. Lots of characters spend time alone and possibly don't enjoy it--or would be okay with being around others depending on who that other person is--but nobody writes about Raine Sage dealing with being an introvert. Or...any character...dealing with being an introvert. To the best of my knowledge.

This has a personal point, I swear.

Personal hooplah under here. )

It's a lot harder to deal with being an introvert than I could have ever thought.
14 December 2012 @ 01:47 pm
School Shooting Today

People just make me incredibly sick. I can't believe that someone would be this fucking douchey. I mean...why? What does this accomplish??

This stuff makes me so angry, I can't even begin to describe how angry it makes me.
24 November 2012 @ 06:23 pm

I thought my last period was bad

this one

this one is just all kinds of speshul


Wow. That combined with fatigue and cramps and all the other stuff just makes me kind of want to smash my face through my (glass) desk. IT MIGHT HURT LESS.

And I was going to get stuff done tonight?? Yeah I can't even think straight right now, evidenced by the fact that it took me four tries to spell 'straight' right. okay.

Punch me and get it over with.
24 October 2012 @ 09:31 pm
First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for the prayers and good thoughts for my sociology professor. I really appreciate it. Please keep them coming.

Here's an update:

-It was a heart attack. The reason it was so sudden and there were no typical behaviors relating to what you would expect from a male having a heart because my professor is in a wheelchair (was in a woodcutting accident and life-lighted, it was very life or death). He cannot walk at all. Sometimes you notice little things like swaying, or dizziness, numbness in your legs, when you experience a heart attack, but someone who is already sitting down and can't feel their legs? Would never know it was coming. Holy crap.

What a soldier. (I mean this both ways: the dude was a military bro before his woodcutting accident. Navy, IIRC, but don't quote me on that.)

Anyway, before his heart attack, he was talking about how he'd just been to a family reunion and saw his whole family, and I thought, Well, if he does go today, then at least he got to see his family first. That's some measure of comfort to a lot of people, I think. It's really painful to lose someone and realize you put off seeing them for X amount of time and in reality hadn't seen them in months/years.

Freaky coincidence? While my professor was having a heart attack, Neal's supervisor was also having a heart attack. D:

(His supervisor is okay.)

Dr. Guzzo is in critical condition in the hospital, now, and it's nearing on 72 hours, which is what they say matters. He has started to respond a little bit, but not enough. Keep praying!!

I got a card for him today and delivered it to the GTA, who said she'd be taking cards to him on Thursday. I had a nice chat with her about things, and someone from my class stopped in to even ask how Dr. G was. I was pretty happy about that; I knew I wasn't the only one!

In fact, 140+ people emailed the GTA to ask her how Dr. G was doing. When Barbara (the GTA) told Dr. G's mother about this (the lady's gotta be around 80), she cried she was so happy that people cared and that her son is making a difference/that people like him. ;_; I could almost have cried hearing this story, to be honest.

I made sure to write a really nice thing in the card I got. I really hope he makes it. The guy who came to talk to the GTA also said everyone in his group was very worried and kind of still in shock over it all happening in class like that, but I'll be honest:

It was probably a blessing it did happen during lecture like that, vs. afterward.

I mean, he coulda been wheelin' down the hall-- not many people are out and about after 6pm! And he doesn't leave the class right away, either. And he leaves out of the basement because that's where the bottom part of the lecture hall goes. (Wheelchair access only from there, obviously.) It could have happened in an elevator. Or in the parking lot. And in the darkness nobody might have even known something was wrong.

When I think about it that way, I'm really glad it happened when it did. He got the help he needed and he got it very fast. (I'VE NEVER SEEN PARAMEDICS ARRIVE THAT FAST. I was so impressed.) I don't know if he's married (a wife wasn't mentioned by the GTA so I'm assuming not) or anything, but if he lives alone I can't even imagine what might have happened had that heart attack occurred even an hour later than it did. As it is, it supposedly took three tries to get his heart started again.

They did get a professor to take over for Monday so I'm gonna read my book to catch myself up to the Tues/Thurs class, and be a total boss about doing work. Also, praying like a fiend. He needs all the prayers and good thoughts I can muster up.
22 October 2012 @ 05:41 pm
My professor just had an aneurysm during a lecture. Prayers and good thoughts would be great. The paramedics are with him now, but the entire class is just pacing around worried.

His name is Gaetano Guzzo III if you wanna be specific.

16 October 2012 @ 11:24 pm
Today's update:

-Ann (my grandmother on my dad's side) is in the ICU, she has pneumonia. They're thinking she might not live much longer. For the past couple of years she's really been struggling with her health; this isn't expected but I can't help but feel bad for my grandfather. If Ann dies, that will be his second wife dying before him. That's sad.

-I picked up crocheting again. Yay.

-Tomorrow is a midterm for my science times. :U

-I'm still feeling pumped about history. I want to take allllll the history classes ever. Now.

-In Tales of Symphonia I'm parked outside of Ozette. Mostly because I'm taking notes and also because it's fucking depressing and I can't deal with that at this moment. Maybe on Thursday. This is one of the darkest things I ever have seen in a viddya game. Gahhh.
28 September 2012 @ 06:21 am
Had some lack of...uhm...foresight concerning my checking account. I seriously should not have written that check to pay off my laptop because a.) no interest for a year or payments for a year anyway, and b.) that money was more than a month's bills. :U

Now I have like $300, which isn't enough to get me through October. FML.

I was considering moving my main to Dalaran because I want to play her, just not on WrA, but...then I checked my account and was like, NOPE.JPG. Good thing I checked.

Now that I know this, though, today is a bad day. And it's PB&J for me for the rest of the school year. And those sweatpants I was going to buy? Yeahnotgonnahappen. Oh well, that's okay. I have two pairs of jeans I can alternate (good thing I found that pair of mens' jeans I have or I'd be screwed).

Blah. I have so much work to do this weekend.

03 July 2012 @ 05:13 pm
Also this gets its own post because:




also this is good:

12 February 2012 @ 08:18 pm

-After ten tons more testing, physical therapy for my mother's curved spine and arthritic neck, a biopsy, blood tests out the wazoo, arthritis specialists, allergy testing, and more blood work ad some scans, two things were found:

1.) Some kind of spot on her face, seen by accident via a neck ultrasound, and
2.) A tumor (benign) in her liver

That does explain rather a lot, doesn't it.

-New job begins tomorrow. Dx A bit nervous. I hope I don't lisp too badly, and I hope the picture for my ID badge doesn't look too bad. That said, boo on having to go by my given name. I wonder if I'll have to answer the phones that way. :( It's like the bane of my existence because I hate that name so much argh. Well if they don't let me go by Manna--understandable as it does sound odd and isn't easily recognizable-- then I might try using my middle name instead. It's short, easy to pronounce, easy to remember, and so on. I can live with that. I just. Can't. Stand. The first name. ARGH.

Also if one more person says they like it, and it's ~so pretty and elegant sounding~ I will punch them in the eyes. Just because you like it doesn't mean I do-- and it sure doesn't render my feelings about it invalid. ROAR.

-I am still lost in the land of Harry Potter. Somewhere. I did a tad bit of writing yesterday, too. Hurrah. I need to think of actual fun plots, because headcanon dumps are stressful to write well. I'm kind of thinking I won't share what I wrote with anyone because it's just that bad. Dx

-I've gotten my sister addicted to both Harry Potter and Kaze Hikaru.

Re: Harry Potter, she defends Luna already like a fangirl, it's great. :P "She's not crazy at all! She's so smart!" And I tried to explain she does come off a lot more nutty in the books, but no, she's not insane, exactly, just...really odd. She's already decided that Remus is The Coolest but she doesn't much care for Tonks. I had to explain that Tonks's role in the movies-- hell, EVERYONE'S role-- has been significantly cut. And by significantly, I mean completely entirely damn it boo hiss.

Re: Kaze Hikaru, the power of leaving books in the bathroom...strikes again. I totally knew that would work. I left volumes 1 and 2 in there FOR A REASON. When you're sitting there, soaking in the tub, books just within reach...and you're bored...and they're there... Oh yeah. I win this round.

-Speaking of books, I want to find The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands again, because that book was a fun read and I want to imitate it for a 'fic or ten just for kicks. But I'll be damned if I want to go out to the garage loft to find it. At least my boxes of books are all together again...but still, it could be in any box. Or even in one of the boxes in the house! LOL. :|

-Oh yes. I have been feeling a bit of a Fire Emblem twitch lately, which is good. I mean, honestly, this break in the HP fandom was probably a really great idea, if only so that I'd feel like writing FE again...even if reviews are scarce in FE-land. But who am I kidding, really? I get more reviews in FEland than in HPland. :| (Because I'm already known, but I digress.)